and there i find release

hello everyone!

i've put off this post because i've been way too lazy to type everything out, but well, thought i should stop procrastinating and get this done (so i can start on my Christmas cards tomorrow haha).

where do i start sharing? guess it would be good for me to talk about how youth camp was for me.

honestly, i didn't want to go for youth camp. yup, horribly and honestly. because i felt out-of-place, since i'm not a cgl and not really part of raft and camp comm etc. and exams also made it difficult for me to really help out in camp prep till the last week. so i was quite reluctant to go for camp because i didn't want to feel old and leftout, and just thinking about being a "floater" was scary. but my friend encouraged me with the thought that God has a REASON for bringing me to camp, and i must just be open enough to see what it is. so off i went for camp, feeling rather nervous and scared.

now let me gather my thoughts into several neatly-labelled points.

1) i thank God for teaching me humility. i guess all the recent excellent worship sessions i've led have caused me to become rather proud, and i think not doing much for this camp was a good way of teaching me that i'm not indispensable. and it also afforded me more time to interact with people, pray and see things from the outside perspective.

i've always had an aversion to altar calls because i've always told myself that every altar call i answer must mark a CHANGE in my life, and i've been too proud to admit that i need to change things. e.g. i've always been saying, i know i'm proud but i'm not THAT proud. but on worship night, God touched me. firstly, i knelt for the first time in worship, and even though at that point it didn't feel terribly special, just the physical posture of humility helped me to enter a more humble state of mind. then when pastor daniel gave the altar call, i just knew that i'd to answer it. previously, i've always tried to work up feelings to justify answering altar calls because when you see everyone going to the front, standing alone at the back can be very terrifying. but i'm glad i held back then, because on worship night i felt the difference. i felt this fierce thudding in my heart and it was GOD who led me to the front.

so that night was the third altar call i've ever answered in my life, and as i stood there, i was praying for God to show me things i should change in my life, because i needed to make this altar call count. and God is truly amazing. somehow, He managed to dig out all sorts of junk in my heart and made me see that there are so many things in my life that are displeasing Him. let me share one example.

that night, i learnt that i'd to have a 180 degrees change in mindset. all along, i've been thinking, "God, I want to serve You in this area." but that night i realised that that's actually a proud mindset! i'm dictating to Him what I want to do. instead, i should be praying, "God, what do YOU want me to serve You in?" that was seriously a mindblowing change that i'd to make, and it's not an easy one for me to do. i'm still struggling with it, but i thank God for bringing this to light.

2) i thank God for teaching me more about gifts of the Holy Spirit. previously, i've always been quite closed-off to teachings about things like speaking in tongues, falling under the power of God, prophecies etc. but i think this camp has made me more open to such things. i must admit that when i was on stage during powerpoint when pastor daniel was praying for the CGLs and people started falling all around me i was TERRIFIED, but still. i guess this camp, which incidentally also tied in well with the book i was reading at that point, made me see that the Holy Spirit is also about power, and now i'm more open to learning about how this can be demonstrated in a Christian's life.

3) i thank God for teaching me about prayer. prayer has never been my strong point, and throughout this year i've resented God sometimes for seemingly failing to answer my prayers. but what God taught me this camp was: a) to go to Him FIRST in prayer, and b) to trust Him.

on the 2nd night, i was feeling very needy and at that point i really prayed that God would bring someone to pray for me that night. but as i was struggling with all these during worship, He reminded me that even if He doesn't bring people to pray for me that night, i didn't have to worry because i still have the Holy Spirit praying for me, and the Spirit prays according to the will of God! (Romans 8) so after that i felt more relieved, and even though yes that night no one prayed for me, i was still able to feel the peace of God.

and i think camp taught me a very crucial lesson about prayer, that we go first to God and then to man. i've always done the reverse - going to everyone else BUT God with my problems, and then complaining that no one can help. but well, i think going to God first is the better solution. because He knows my need, and He knows who to bring and at what time. isn't that an easier way? and all i need to do is to trust in His timing :)

so yes those are the main lessons i wanna share with everyone.

You are the peace that guards my heart
My help in times of need
You are the hope that leads me on
And brings me to my knees

For there I find You waiting
And there I find release
So with all of my heart I'll worship
And unto You I'll sing

*For You alone deserve all glory
For You alone deserve all praise
Father we worship and adore You
Father we long to seek Your face
For You alone deserve all glory
For You alone deserve all praise
Father we love You
And we worship You this day