Haha, like Tianyi I don't want to infringe on our once every 2 weeks agreement. Well, Youth Camp officially starts in about 6 hours time. I personally feel the build up to the camp has been awesome, especially so the past 2 weeks both in church and outside. It's also so exciting hearing people anticipate the camp so eagerly and all this talk by people about revival happening right in the midst of our very own Youth Ministry.
However, right now I'm just feeling this sense of anxiety and worry. After trying to call up my group members and fix up quiet time groupings I just kept having these nagging doubts at the back of my head; that this camp may not live up to all the hype that's been surrounding it. Or what if I am not able to click well with my group (it's been a while since I've been a TL and it's such a young group). Or what if campers feel left out to state a few.
I really so so so so so desire that God would really impact the lives of ALL the youths who come down and that it would just infect all those around them with a blazing passion for God - but what if a large number of Youths still feel equally distant from God after the camp? I know that a lot of these fears are due to my inability to place enough trust in God's sovereign will and because I have these preconceived notions of how I wish things would turn out but that may not be what God intends to do during this camp. Sigh... feeling so emo now but O God would You please allow a mighty outpouring of Your Spirit to fill the lives of the Youths during this camp!!! Let non-christians become believers during this camp!!! Cause this ministry to truly be on fire for You and one that multiplies!!! We've waited so long and we want more!!!
Sigh... though I think I know what is the correct mindset I should have now with regard to the camp, it's just been hard to open these tightly clenched fist and truly let go and believe that God will handle everything perfectly no matter how things may appear. Was feeling kinda perplexed but as I write these things it has sort of been a therapeutic experience as I articulate my flaws and focus on the fact that our God truly reigns. That being said, though I'm still kinda tired emotionally I'm quite happy how my negative attitude is changing quite drastically as this little "soliloquy" ensues. Wish I could pray with someone now to sooth my nerves a little more but it's not really the right time to call anyone now.
As I was typing, the bridge of "Second Chance" really ministered to me: "So I wait upon You now with my hands released to You. Where a little faith's enough to see mountains lift and move". There's so much more God's got to do with my life and teach me... I find that awesome =).
Hope I'll look back at the things I've wrote and laugh at my foolishness. Exceed our wildest imaginations during this camp Jesus.
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