everything, in a nutshell

hello everyone!

i'm so sorry for my extreme tardiness this time, ack! not good, not good. anyway, part of the reason has been because i've been too busy catching up on sleep and also haven't really thought of anything much to share. but tonight i've finally decided to sit down and type this out so yeah :)

okay, i've not done my usual start-of-the-year journal entry but i have thought through what my resolutions for the year, and one of the biggest one is to spend everyday with Jesus. last year i've been pretty consistent in terms of QT but there have still been times when i was lazy and just didn't do QT, and one of the worst times was on my birthday! when i was so happy opening presents and reading cards that i slacked off and didn't read my Bible (ironically). so yeah, this year my resolution is to do QT everyday, and beyond that, spending time outside of QT thinking of God too. i find it quite a challenge, especially when school starts and my mind is mostly filled with thoughts of dieee haven't done my readings etc. haha.

another resolution that i have is to really study God's Word this year. i think i've reached a stage where i want to really equip myself with a thorough understanding of the Bible, and not just of the "easier", familiar passages in the New Testament. partly because i want to be better at defending my faith, but also because i want to know more about who God is. and this is the verse that spoke to me.

"4Jesus answered, "It is written: 'Man does not live on bread alone, but on every word that comes from the mouth of God.'" (Matthew 4:4)

i don't know how i'm going to get the feeding that i need though. currently, i feel that i get the solid teaching of the Word most during messages, but it depends on the speaker too. but yeah i want so much more teaching, especially of the Old Testament. i guess for the year ahead i'm just going to be like the crowds in Jesus' time, who flocked wherever there was good teaching. thankfully, so far God has been good and has brought me to several CCC events where i really received good solid teaching of the Word. hopefully that will continue.

as for my spiritual life, i guess right now it has been okay. recently something happened that made me quite burdened, but thankfully, it has forced me to turn to God more in prayer and He has proved greater than all my troubles. it's really really comforting to know that God is there for me!

on a related note, i guess you all could pray for me because i'm also at a point where i'm seeking direction for my life. i've been serving in church for quite a while (since sec3 actually), but somehow over the last couple of months i've come to realise that that is not enough for me. i want to see God's higher calling for me. some have asked why the need to, but i dunno, for me i just want to start streamlining my ministry. e.g. if God calls me to be a pastor, right now i'll start looking for opportunities that will equip me with the skills needed for pastoring. i just want to stop serving haphazardly, and to start training myself properly.

however, this period is very challenging because i am being asked to serve in such-and-such areas and it's difficult to just say no let me wait on God first. it's taking a lot of faith to believe that God will speak in time for me not to annoy anyone with my tardy reply, and also to believe that God will eventually speak. another challenge i face is discerning between God's best and God's good. what if i don't like God's best for me? (i.e. it's not my first choice of service) what if i miss out on His best because i make a decision too hastily?

so yeah a lot of things for me to think about. haha. yup that's roughly all la, see you guys on saturday! :)