hmm..

ok. obviously no one heeds what i said and tianyi the tooty used the thanksgiving service bit as an excuse. by the way, josh, i think u haven't posted for like a month. as u know, a new year usually comes with a resolution or many resolutions so this year's resolution will be that we all blog every 2 weeks as agreed upon several months ago :P

anyway, i realise once again that i didn't do what i told others to. i can come up with the usual excuses, been busy, was sick, am sick, don't like using the internet, whatever. but the excuses don't matter la. so i shall just share...

last night during the thanksgiving service, edward led 'at the cross' and what really touched my heart was the third stanza:

And when the earth fades
Falls from my eyes
And You stand before me
I know You love me
I know You love me

don't know why... maybe all the phelgm was going to my head but i was somehow able to imagine what it might be like if Jesus was before me. i've never been much good at this. when i was in sec sch, we went through this thing where we were guided as to how to reflect before taking the holy communion. the first part would be a revisiting the cross, imagining Him on it and the pain and stuff but i could never really do that. my imagination power's not that great. haha. but anyway, back to my story, i imagined myself before Jesus and i saw myself reaching out to Him and that's when i realised, He's my treasure. then the familiar teachings of Jesus came to mind too. about how where my treasure is, there my heart will be also and i told Him, yes Lord, i want my heart to be with You. i'm not sure if u all can empathise but sometimes i'm so unsure of where my heart is. but well, the bible does say that the heart is deceitful above all things but my point is that i was encouraged by what i just shared coz i've been feeling quite dry recently. but joanne reminded me on sat whilst praying for me that i will seek Him and find Him when i seek Him with all my heart so yeah, i guess that's something that the rest of u can pray for me regarding...

i was also quite discouraged by the week before's youth service when everyone seemed so dead and i was mulling over it the whole time after service, accounting for why i looked so moody during the block party and stuff (ps: i do have reasons for being black face. haha) but ya, at night when i was praying about it, i was reminded of something that jeremy shared during the music min meeting in i don't know which month. the whole thing about how the band is not restricted to the musicians and wls but also the congregation because the only audience is God and our desire is to have Him shout 'encore' and yeah, that's when i realised that whether a worship session is good or not is not dependent on the wl. so many times, i've felt like it was but it isn't. whether or not we experience His presence incredibly depends on His favour and whether we're earnestly seeking Him as one. the bottom line of it all is that regardless of how the congregation is responding, my own response has to be to worship Him myself first regardless. so yeah...

anyway, can pray for me la. i hate being sick... :(