Desperate

Believe it not I've been busy too. Teban stuff and mostly preparing for this week's worship set; took real long to do the chords and practicing quite a bit cause there's no other e guitarist. Was also a bit disheartened by my first CG outing and class though and things were picking up after the Elder Shing's message.

However, with the worship prepartions, work and other worries somehow I don't feel that constant closeness with God which really isn't cool at all. One moment I feel close to Him whilst listening to songs and worshipping in my heart but then I don't feel the desire spend time looking into His word and praying. Don't really know how to explain what I'm feeling but yah, it's rather unsettling as I wonder whether I like worshipping cause of the music and the emo words instead of truely worshipping Him etc. Doesn't help that I'm worship leading and I don't like being a hypocrite urging others to worship passionately whilst I'm like bleh.

Think I really need to discipline myself to do QT and stuff (somehow Vincent's words of getting our fundementals right with God keep coming back to me). Strangely, when I read a christian book or set time aside to pray I do feel that closeness to God but it's always the starting that is hard for me. Would rather let my mind wonder to do other things and by then I would forget bout Him. Been trying to get up early to do QT but have failed miserably cause I usally wake up at around 11a.m despite my handphone alarms.

Not cool man =(, but yah, guess I should stop sulking and better get working on it! Hence when I saw Minwei's poem I felt inspired to sing it cause I think it's what I feel too...