gosh ok i think like none of us have been following the 'fortnightly' rule. cuz i think we post almost once a weeek
ok. this week so far has been rather...relaxed..spiritually wise, it's been up & down.
some worrying stuff came up and its been rather bad... but then happy stuff happened too! so yeah.
and um. yeah currently some of the stuff that i've been thinking about.
is actually about the heart for God.
To me.. the heart for God is really something i long for. and i suppose everyone does too... And, i suppose that us, in the music min. need to have a heart for God at all times (duh). And not to be proud/narcissistic.
But what i've been thinking is that.. do I really have a heart for God..?
i mean like sometimes i can't really tell seriously.
And the thing that caused me to start thinking about this, was when Euclid told me
euclid said:tian yi, it was a heart of wanting to serve the Lord that now pleases Him, with the same heart offer it unto the Lord everyday and you shall have favour from heaven above.
um yeah so after that.. i thought to myself... do i really have a heart for God?
When i looked back at the initial reason for why i joined the music min... i was really confused.
My initial reason to join the music min was to.. kinda like make new friends in church. and was partly because i wanted to learn an instrument.
I doubt those reasons had something to do with God.
so yeah i'm kinda in a..questionable state right now i suppose. i mean.
I used to be the kind of boy that doesn't care about God.. and ever since i joined the music min. i met friends like Dan,nana,joel,min wei. ben etc etc.
then I started going for 2nd service.. and started opening my heart out to God during youth.
And now. after all the stuff that i've been through (gifts, annointings, Spiritual healings)
Sometimes i still ask myself if im practicing my drum parts so hard because i wanna please God.
or please the friends that i have.
so....yah i'm still pondering over that and asking God to change my heart. if it needs changing...
gosh i'm having such a hard time practicing 'break free' (goes off the practice)
1 comment:
hi tianyi,
i'm really encouraged by this posting of yours. firstly coz ure so honest and secondly, coz u dare to say that you want to have a heart for God :)
thank u for your honesty about your initial reasons for wanting to join the ymm. if u ask anyone, unless they're super holy/super old when they first started serving, most people serve with selfish reasons and i think that's 'normal'. but i'm encouraged coz u have obviously been growing, like u said, from a don't care about God boy to one who desires to have a heart for Him. and what u need to realise is that this desire doesn't come from yourself, it's a desire birthed in you by God and He is drawing u to Himself and you have grown spiritually as you serve which is my prayer for all the musicians.
i don't think that wanting to play well is wrong. i think it stems out of a desire to give your best and all which is a great attitude to have. and i think that as long as u decide from the start that you're doing it all for God and keep telling Him and reminding yourself of that, then i think it's an acceptable sacrifice and offering in His sight :)
as you have been influenced and encouraged by the people you've encountered as you served, influence and encourage others too.
as a side note, i think u did really well yesterday. i love how u drummed 'break free'. especially the tight ending. and i love how u don't look so tense when u play anymore. haha. and i'm no drummer but i think u improved with the slow songs as well, building up slowly and not like a sudden shift thingy. good job! :)
and thanks for doing the camp roster too. u and yong quan :)
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